Gobble Gobble

[KLang]

Happy Turkey Day to everyone.

The wifes family decided it was our turn yet again to host Turkey Day. :irked: So we've got a house full and I'm at work. ;)

Giving the fryer a break this year and doing the turkey the old fashion way using an Alton Brown recipe including the brine. Haven't had much luck with brining stuff in the past so I hope this one works better.

What is everyone up to?

[RaceGrrl]

We're hosting Thanksgiving this year. Mom and my brothers and their families are coming up. Mom will roast the turkey, I'm making homemade noodles and dessert, the others will bring the other sides.

Tomorrow marks one year to the day my father died, so it will be a difficult day. We still have plenty to be thankful for though.

[G.]

Hosting a much smaller feast than the last few years.

It's kind of funny. It's easier to prepare a big feast at our house than it is to pack up all the g's, the side dishes, etc., and to go over the mountain and through the woods.

My limited experience with brining is not too good, but it was with chicken parts, not big gobblin birds.

It will cook QUICK!

(merge with TB's post?)

[Ankf00]

For reference, I present my thanksgiving from last year: http://www.offcamber.net/forums/showpost.php?p=129921&postcount=17

This year it's at dad's bro's, and it's a fabulous Boston Market reheated meal (which still is a step up from last year's atrocity). http://www2.hornfans.com/wwwthreads/images/icons/pukey.gif

at least aggy can pick up my spirits, as usual :)

[Wheel-Nut]

We were supposed to go to my in-laws but somehow mom in-law copped out and now everyone is coming to our house. 14 total at last count. My folks and siblings were invited but they backed out last week to do their own thing at Mom and Pop manor. Ahhh, the holidays! :thumbup:

[Elmo T]

We are doing the Alton Brown brine for the 4th year now. The stuff smells unpleasant, but it makes an excellent turkey. We follow the recipe - no changes. The cranberry dipping sauce is very good as well. :thumbup:

[Wheel-Nut]

I found this on one of the fishing boards I read. Anyone ever hear / tried this?

-------------------------Black Turkey, circa 1963------------------------

For about a dozen years, at the approach of turkey-eating season, I have
been trumpeting to all who would listen, and to a good many who would
rather not, that there is only one way to cook a turkey. This turkey is
not my turkey. It is the creation of the late Morton Thompson, who wrote
"Not as a Stranger" and other books.

This recipe was first contained in the manuscript of a book called "The
Naked Countess" which was given to the late Robert Benchley, who had
eaten the turkey and was so moved as to write an introduction to the
book. Benchley then lost the manuscript. He kept hoping it would turn
up-- although not as much, perhaps, as Thompson did, but somehow it
vanished, irretrievably. Thompson did not have the heart to write it
over. He did, however, later put his turkey rule in another book. Not a
cookbook, but a collection of very funny pieces called "Joe, the Wounded
Tennis Player".

THE ONLY WAY TO COOK A TURKEY!!!!!!!

This turkey is work... it requires more attention than an average
six-month-old baby. There are no shortcuts, as you will see.

Get a HUGE turkey-- I don't mean just a big, big bird, but one that
looks as though it gave the farmer a hard time when he did it in. It
ought to weigh between 16 and 30 pounds. Have the poultryman, or
butcher, cut its head off at the end of the neck, peel back the skin,
and remove the neck close to the body, leaving the tube. You will want
this for stuffing. Also , he should leave all the fat on the bird.

When you are ready to cook your bird, rub it inside and out with salt
and pepper. Give it a friendly pat and set it aside. Chop the heart,
gizzard, and liver and put them, with the neck, into a stewpan with a
clove of garlic, a large bay leaf, 1/2 tsp coriander, and some salt. I
don't know how much salt-- whatever you think. Cover this with about 5
cups of water and put on the stove to simmer. This will be the basting
fluid a little later.

About this time I generally have my first drink of the day, usually a
RAMOS FIZZ. I concoct it by taking the whites of four eggs, an equal
amount of whipping cream, juice of half a lemon (less 1 tsp.), 1/2 tsp.
confectioner's sugar, an appropriate amount of gin, and blending with a
few ice cubes. Pour about two tablespoons of club soda in a chimney
glass, add the mix, with ice cubes if you prefer. Save your egg yolks,
plus 1 tsp. of lemon -- you'll need them later. Have a good sip! (add 1
dash of Orange Flower Water to the drink, not the egg yolks)

Get a huge bowl. Throw into it one diced apple, one diced orange, a
large can of crushed pineapple, the grated rind of a lemon, and three
tablespoons of chopped preserved ginger (If you like ginger, double this
-REB). Add 2 cans of drained Chinese water chestnuts.

Mix this altogether, and have another sip of your drink. Get a second,
somewhat smaller, bowl. Into this, measuring by teaspoons, put:

2 tsp hot dry mustard
2 tsp caraway seed
2 tsp celery seed
2 tsp poppy seed
1 tsp black pepper
2 1/2 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp mace
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp marjoram
1/2 tsp savory
3/4 tsp sage
3/4 tsp thyme
1/4 tsp basil
1/2 tsp chili powder

In the same bowl, add:

1 Tbsp poultry seasoning
4 Tbsp parsley
1 Tbsp salt
4 headless crushed cloves
1 well-crushed bay leaf
4 lrg chopped onions
6 good dashes Tabasco
5 crushed garlic cloves
6 lrg chopped celery

Wipe your brow, refocus your eyes, get yet another drink--and a third
bowl. Put in three packages of unseasoned bread crumbs (or two loaves of
toast or bread crumbs), 3/4 lb. ground veal, 1/2 lb. ground fresh pork,
1/4 lb. butter, and all the fat you have been able to pull out of the
bird.

About now it seems advisable to switch drinks. Martinis or stingers are
recommended (Do this at your own risk - we always did! -REB). Get a
fourth bowl, an enormous one. Take a sip for a few minutes, wash your
hands, and mix the contents of all the other bowls. Mix it well. Stuff
the bird and skewer it. Put the leftover stuffing into the neck tube.

Turn your oven to 500 degrees F and get out a fifth small bowl. Make a
paste consisting of those four egg yolks and lemon juice left from the
Ramos Fizz. Add 1 tsp hot dry mustard, a crushed clove of garlic, 1 Tbl
onion juice, and enough flour to make a stiff paste. When the oven is
red hot, put the bird in, breast down on the rack. Sip on your drink
until the bird has begin to brown all over, then take it out and paint
the bird all over with paste. Put it back in and turn the oven down to
350 degrees F. Let the paste set, then pull the bird out and paint
again. Keep doing this until the paste is used up.

Add a quart of cider or white wine to the stuff that's been simmering on
the stove, This is your basting fluid. The turkey must be basted every
15 minutes. Don't argue. Set your timer and keep it up. (When confronted
with the choice "do I baste from the juice under the bird or do I baste
with the juice from the pot on the stove?" make certain that the juice
under the bird neither dries out and burns, nor becomes so thin that
gravy is weak. When you run out of baste, use cheap red wine. This
critter makes incredible gravy! -REB)The bird should cook about 12
minutes per pound, basting every 15 minutes. Enlist the aid of your
friends and family.

As the bird cooks, it will first get a light brown, then a dark brown,
then darker and darker. After about 2 hours you will think I'm crazy.
The bird will be turning black. (Newcomers to black turkey will think
you are demented and drunk on your butt, which, if you've followed
instructions, you are -REB) In fact, by the time it is finished, it will
look as though we have ruined it. Take a fork and poke at the black
cindery crust.

Beneath, the bird will be a gorgeous mahogany, reminding one of those
golden-browns found in precious Rembrandts. Stick the fork too deep, and
the juice will gush to the ceiling. When you take it out, ready to carve
it, you will find that you do not need a knife. A load sound will cause
the bird to fall apart like the walls of that famed biblical city. The
moist flesh will drive you crazy, and the stuffing--well, there is
nothing like it on this earth. You will make the gravy just like it as
always done, adding the giblets and what is left of the basting fluid.

Sometime during the meal, use a moment to give thanks to Morton
Thompson. There is seldom, if ever, leftover turkey when this recipe is
used. If there is, you'll find that the fowl retains its moisture for a
few days. That's all there is to it. It's work, hard work--- but it's
worth it.

(What follows is not part of the recipe, but is an ingredients list to
aid in shopping for this monster, or for checking your spice cabinet
-REB)


Ingredients List:
1 turkey
salt
garlic
4 eggs
1 apple
1 orange
1 lrg can crushed pineapple
1 lemon
4 lrg onions
6 celery stalks
plenty of preserved ginger
2 cans water chestnuts
3 packages unseasoned bread crumbs
3/4 lb ground veal
1/2 lb ground pork
1/4 lb butter
onion juice
1 qt apple cider

Spice List:
basil
bay leaf
caraway seed
celery seed
chili powder
cloves
ground coriander
mace
marjoram
dry mustard
oregano
parsley
pepper, black
poultry seasoning
poppy seed
sage
savory
Tabasco
thyme
turmeric

[oddlycalm]

This turkey is work... it requires more attention than an average six-month-old baby. There are no shortcuts, as you will see. Very amusing, thanks for posting this recipe. I got a good laugh out of it, and for a crusty old guy recipe it's seems like it's a pretty good one. A bit labor intensive, but the opening the oven and losing the heat every 15 minutes just to cause the heating element to come on and eventually blacken the baste glazed bird technique is nice arcane touch...:thumbup:

I'm a lazyazz woosy. I'm doing what cooking there is today and T-day is just a heat 'em up. We'd rather eat, visit and decorate the tree rather than slave away all day and end up exhausted and in a food/alcohol coma...:D

oc

[TKGAngel]

The grandparents are having the fam over. All 20 of us. My grandmother does the turkey, and sides (and already has orders for the leftover stuffing), while each of the kids are responsible for bringing something (pop, pie or booze). It works out pretty well.

I suppose the next question is who is going shopping on Friday?

[RHR_Fan]

The grandparents are having the fam over. All 20 of us. My grandmother does the turkey, and sides (and already has orders for the leftover stuffing), while each of the kids are responsible for bringing something (pop, pie or booze). It works out pretty well.

I suppose the next question is who is going shopping on Friday?

I may be going shopping on Friday. I sure ain't getting up early though!

~Nicole

[Cam]

I suppose the next question is who is going shopping on Friday?

BF shopping????? Are you crazy??!?!!? :eek:

[KLang]

I suppose the next question is who is going shopping on Friday?

NO WAY! I've already told the group I will be mowing the lawn.

[RaceGrrl]

Mom and I always do the shopping thing. Start at 6am, finished by 11am. It's become a family tradition with me, Mom and my brothers. :)

[Anteater]

Rick and I will probably slave away all day and end up "exhausted and in a food/alcohol coma" (as oc put it). We're having 11 people in all, including my mom, my sister, her son, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's parents, my mother-in-law, a friend, and her mother. That's a record number for us. I cooked the turkey today, so that things will be easier to manage in the kitchen on T-Day. For some reason, everyone likes to congregate there!

[G.]

Rick and I will probably slave away all day and end up "exhausted and in a food/alcohol coma" (as oc put it). We're having 11 people in all, including my mom, my sister, her son, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's parents, my mother-in-law, a friend, and her mother. That's a record number for us. I cooked the turkey today, so that things will be easier to manage in the kitchen on T-Day. For some reason, everyone likes to congregate there!Yeah, we are only hosting 11 this year, about half of them kids. Smallest ever. Usually run just shy of 20.

Must have been something I cooked...

[Lizzerd]

You all don't even want to hear about my upcoming weekend, so I won't tell the story. It won't all suck, though, yet I remain thankful for life, love, and liberty, etc... Have a great weekend, everybody.

:thumbup:

[Anteater]

Well, how did it go, everyone? I'm delighted to report that no one here ended up locked in the bathroom crying, which has happened at least once during prior Thanksgiving celebrations at my house. The drama queens behaved themselves, and everyone seemed to get along quite well. Most of them congregated in the living room instead of the kitchen, with the pleasing result that only one of our guests was aware of the sole kitchen disaster: Rick knocked a glass out of a cupboard, which smashed right into the roaster full of drippings for the gravy. :( The guest went to the store and bought cans of Campbell's Turkey Gravy, and it all worked out. YEA!!!!

[dando]

I was down for the count with a flu bug. :( Luckily I had prepared/prepped most of the meal the night before, so my wife wasn't stuck doing it all (and watch our daughters). I did manage to crawl into the kitchen to cook the turkey, tho. All in all, I hear it turned out fine....I've yet to have a bite of turkey, tho. :\

-Kevin