TippyGomez
04-30-03, 09:38 PM
Much concern and trepidation has arisen over the safer walls following last weeks crash of 63 year old racing legend Mario Andretti. Ron Green, spokesman for the Indianapolis Motor Speedway gave a press conference this afternoon to explain all the nuances of the accident. We sent crack reporter Tippy Gomez of the Shelbyville Gazette in order to better inform our faithful readers
Below is a one on one interview with Mr. Green just before the press conference
TG - Ron, this is fantastic! Thanks for the scoop! How were you able to disconcert the mechanics of Mario's accident?
RG - Well Tippy, Here at the IRL, we take safety very seriously. We had all the footage from the Channel 13 whirlybird. We also have all the telemetry from the track beacons. These both proved to be highly valuable in getting to the bottom of this accident.
TG - Ron, could you tell our readers a little more about these telemetry beacons? and just who were the experts?
RG - My pleasure Tippy. First off, I think it goes without question that the track beacons are second to none. This was proven with the Paul Tracy/Barry Green dispute last year. The beacons don't lie. The panel looking over the tape were all auto racing experts. We had Pat Bedard, Danny Ongias and Jimmy Kite go over the crash sequence frame by frame. No expense was sparred, we even rented a private booth at a local meeting place.
TG-Wow, a film lab, eh?
RG - No, actually, it was Brads Brass Flamingo. We flipped them a Franklin and they threw in a couple of lap dances!
TG - So what did these experts come up with Ron?
RG - Well, you would be surprised. First off, it seems the yellow light was on something in the neighborhood of 14 seconds before Mario blatantly sped onto the scene. The blowover, or takeoff if you will, was caused by an errant hotdog wrapper left behind by a careless construction worker.
TG - A HOT DOG WRAPPER? Come on Ron, It looks to be a piece of the SAFER wall
RG - Now hold your horses Tippy. We spared no expense. No film has been more dissected since the Zabruter film. We slowed it down to ten milliseconds with the our new cameras.
TG - New camera?
RG - Yes, IMS spent millions. The systems entire name is longrange, independant, analytical recorder, or LIAR for short
TG - What about the huge piece of white something that appears to go under Mario's car?
RG - Tippy, your skating on thin ice here buddy. Your credential hangs in the balance. We slowed the film down, and exactly 14 seconds after Kenny Bracks car hit the South turn wall, Mr. Andretti blatantly and without caution raced through the accident scene. Further review shows that Mr. Andretti's car to strike a hotdog wrapper, which caused the car to do a wheelstand. THEN it came into contact with the Miller Light Specials rear wing support. It was clear to us that the car was already 8 to 10 inches off the ground before striking the errant racecar parts.
TG - Well, hotdog wrappers are pretty common. Millions of racefans purchase hotdogs at the track. This could cause lots of problems.
RG - You see Tippy. The IRL safety board is on top of this issue already. With each and every hotdog purchased at our facility this year, our fans will receive a hotdog wrapper tether. We spare no expense. We have Bass Pro Shops on board, and they donated 1 million feet of 12 pound monofiliment line in the name of safety. Each person purchasing a hotdog will receive, free of charge, 18 inches of hotdog tether. You simply thread one end of the line through the wrapper, and the other you tie off on your belt loop. Its simple, efficient, and is low cost. Just like the IRL!
TG - Well, thanks for your time Ron, Im sure your a busy man.
RG - Your welcome Tippy. Please send our regards to your editor, and let him know there are plenty of seats down low still for sale..........
TG
check out my daily columns at bigirlfan.com
Below is a one on one interview with Mr. Green just before the press conference
TG - Ron, this is fantastic! Thanks for the scoop! How were you able to disconcert the mechanics of Mario's accident?
RG - Well Tippy, Here at the IRL, we take safety very seriously. We had all the footage from the Channel 13 whirlybird. We also have all the telemetry from the track beacons. These both proved to be highly valuable in getting to the bottom of this accident.
TG - Ron, could you tell our readers a little more about these telemetry beacons? and just who were the experts?
RG - My pleasure Tippy. First off, I think it goes without question that the track beacons are second to none. This was proven with the Paul Tracy/Barry Green dispute last year. The beacons don't lie. The panel looking over the tape were all auto racing experts. We had Pat Bedard, Danny Ongias and Jimmy Kite go over the crash sequence frame by frame. No expense was sparred, we even rented a private booth at a local meeting place.
TG-Wow, a film lab, eh?
RG - No, actually, it was Brads Brass Flamingo. We flipped them a Franklin and they threw in a couple of lap dances!
TG - So what did these experts come up with Ron?
RG - Well, you would be surprised. First off, it seems the yellow light was on something in the neighborhood of 14 seconds before Mario blatantly sped onto the scene. The blowover, or takeoff if you will, was caused by an errant hotdog wrapper left behind by a careless construction worker.
TG - A HOT DOG WRAPPER? Come on Ron, It looks to be a piece of the SAFER wall
RG - Now hold your horses Tippy. We spared no expense. No film has been more dissected since the Zabruter film. We slowed it down to ten milliseconds with the our new cameras.
TG - New camera?
RG - Yes, IMS spent millions. The systems entire name is longrange, independant, analytical recorder, or LIAR for short
TG - What about the huge piece of white something that appears to go under Mario's car?
RG - Tippy, your skating on thin ice here buddy. Your credential hangs in the balance. We slowed the film down, and exactly 14 seconds after Kenny Bracks car hit the South turn wall, Mr. Andretti blatantly and without caution raced through the accident scene. Further review shows that Mr. Andretti's car to strike a hotdog wrapper, which caused the car to do a wheelstand. THEN it came into contact with the Miller Light Specials rear wing support. It was clear to us that the car was already 8 to 10 inches off the ground before striking the errant racecar parts.
TG - Well, hotdog wrappers are pretty common. Millions of racefans purchase hotdogs at the track. This could cause lots of problems.
RG - You see Tippy. The IRL safety board is on top of this issue already. With each and every hotdog purchased at our facility this year, our fans will receive a hotdog wrapper tether. We spare no expense. We have Bass Pro Shops on board, and they donated 1 million feet of 12 pound monofiliment line in the name of safety. Each person purchasing a hotdog will receive, free of charge, 18 inches of hotdog tether. You simply thread one end of the line through the wrapper, and the other you tie off on your belt loop. Its simple, efficient, and is low cost. Just like the IRL!
TG - Well, thanks for your time Ron, Im sure your a busy man.
RG - Your welcome Tippy. Please send our regards to your editor, and let him know there are plenty of seats down low still for sale..........
TG
check out my daily columns at bigirlfan.com