View Full Version : Tiger Woods
They may need to add another sid-effect warning to the Ambien ads. :gomer: :D
-Kevin
Reviews are mixed
Mindy Lawton, Tiger Woods' Alleged Mistress: Tiger Is 'Very Well Endowed' (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/06/mindy-lawton-tiger-woods_n_381573.html)
On a scale of ten I would give him 12," she tells News of the World. Lawton's sister, Lynn, adds that Mindy described their sex as "extremely good."
A witness, who wasn’t identified in the report, told trooper Joshua Evans that Woods had been drinking alcohol earlier. The same witness also said Woods had been prescribed two drugs, Ambien and Vicodin.
The unidentified witness, who was blonde with a Swedish accent, added that the police should confiscate his "manslem" because he wouldn't be needing it any more. :laugh:
Michaelhatesfans
12-09-09, 04:02 AM
It just keeps getting better and better for Tiger (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/tiger-woods-drama-ambulance-called-golfers-neighborhood/story?id=9277414)
To summarize an ambulance left his house overnight with a woman, but the suggestion is it may have been a relative of his wife...
His mother in law.
Damn, I know this is of his own making and all, but you imagine being this deep in crap and then having your mother in law show up on the porch with a lot of luggage? Ye gods!:laugh:
The one that keeps cracking me up is the waitress from Perkins. I mean, I have driven right by that place. To think that the Perkins could have been a place to get lucky, well, that just boggles the mind. :rofl:
Don Quixote
12-09-09, 10:12 AM
To think that the Perkins could have been a place to get lucky, well, that just boggles the mind. :rofl: El Tigre can get lucky any place he wants.
oddlycalm
12-09-09, 03:22 PM
To think that the Perkins could have been a place to get lucky
Not sure getting "lucky" is the term I'd use in this case...:D
oc
extramundane
12-09-09, 04:33 PM
The one that keeps cracking me up is the waitress from Perkins. I mean, I have driven right by that place. To think that the Perkins could have been a place to get lucky, well, that just boggles the mind. :rofl:
He'd better be glad he opted not to stop in the Waffle House that particular day. :eek:
El Tigre can get lucky any place he wants.
Yeah, but it's like Superman using his powers to bust litterbugs. What a waste. :shakehead
Apparently, Tiger doesn't believe in safe sex. (http://www.examiner.com/x-32213-Memphis-Headlines-Examiner~y2009m12d8-Video-Tiger-Woods-unprotected-sex-and-lessons-we-can-all-learn)
Sean Malone
12-09-09, 10:42 PM
He's not a Tiger...he's a Cheetah.
Sorry. Saw it on FB.
F Tiger.
The new and improved John Daly is who I want to hang with.
http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/124787/JOHN-DALY-WEIGHT-LOSS.jpg
if you can't offer up some respeck knuckles for rocking those pants, you have no soul.
Napoleon
12-10-09, 08:29 AM
On the radio they mentioned that some outfit that keeps track of ads has stated that no advertiser has run a Tiger ad since something like Nov. 28.
extramundane
12-10-09, 09:33 AM
F Tiger.
The new and improved John Daly is who I want to hang with.
http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/124787/JOHN-DALY-WEIGHT-LOSS.jpg
if you can't offer up some respeck knuckles for rocking those pants, you have no soul.
So he switched from booze to LSD?
I went to the store today. When I reached the end of the driveway it was the first time I ever outdrove Tiger Woods.
Don Quixote
12-10-09, 01:10 PM
Tiger's texts. r u kidding me? LOL :tony:
lol (http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/12/09/tiger-woods-dirty-text-messages-jaimee-grubbss/?test=faces)
TKGAngel
12-10-09, 01:43 PM
US Weekly says the count is now up to 13. :saywhat:
Married on October 5, 2004.
Caught on November 27, 2009.
The usual 5th anniversary gift is wood or silverware. Tiger just went overboard with the giving and forgot you're supposed to gift wrap the knifes, not stab them into your wife's back.
Don Quixote
12-10-09, 03:09 PM
Caught on November 27, 2009.
And he started cheating on her at his bachelor party (allegedly)when they had a porn star smorgasbord (allegedly).
Michaelhatesfans
12-10-09, 09:03 PM
Tiger's texts. r u kidding me? LOL :tony:
lol (http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/12/09/tiger-woods-dirty-text-messages-jaimee-grubbss/?test=faces)
When you've got that kind of cash, you don't have to be witty or smooth.:)
TRANSAM
12-11-09, 09:51 AM
What's the difference between Tiger and Santa Claus?
Santa stops at 3 Ho's. (Ho-Ho-Ho)
Lux Interior
12-11-09, 06:22 PM
When you've got that kind of cash, you don't have to be witty or smooth.:)
Reading those texts has convinced me that Tiger has the IQ of a carrot. No won der he likes those girls - they are his level mentally.
The media has done a good job of portraying him as this intelligent upstanding guy and now we find out he's just some tool. Too funny.
CNN Breaking News -- Tiger Woods will take an indefinite break from golf, his Web site says.
So it's golf's fault?
Choke leash. It's the new must have Christmas gift for every golfer.
TravelGal
12-11-09, 09:34 PM
Smart. Took them 2 weeks to figure it out but someone finally realized the extent of the disaster. Words of the announcement sound so strangely familiar. Haven't we read this all before by every other cheatin' b'tard?
He has to disappear for a while. He can pretend he's all so-sorry but basically it's his get-out-of-the-spotlight card.
One thing that's kinda cool with all this is the corny, punny email jokes flying around with this celebdestruct countdown. I don't see them very often anymore.
Ah, I miss nostalgia sometimes.
SurfaceUnits
12-12-09, 10:38 AM
Smart. Took them 2 weeks to figure it out but someone finally realized the extent of the disaster. Words of the announcement sound so strangely familiar. Haven't we read this all before by every other cheatin' b'tard?
He has to disappear for a while. He can pretend he's all so-sorry but basically it's his get-out-of-the-spotlight card.you couldn't pay for this kind of publicity....well not directly. didn't seem to hurt Paris Hilton's career.
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3b/Iceweasel-icon.svg/96px-Iceweasel-icon.svg.png
Reading those texts has convinced me that Tiger has the IQ of a carrot. No won der he likes those girls - they are his level mentally.
he's living the high school he never got to live right now
Smart. Took them 2 weeks to figure it out but someone finally realized the extent of the disaster. Words of the announcement sound so strangely familiar. Haven't we read this all before by every other cheatin' b'tard?
He has to disappear for a while. He can pretend he's all so-sorry but basically it's his get-out-of-the-spotlight card.
it's a smart play for him, goes into seclusion, comes back later to epic fanfare of "comeback"
he's living the high school he never got to live right now
And that would be the high school that I never lived, as well ;)
And that would be the high school that I never lived, as well ;)
haha, i meant only in the context of the emo-ness of his emails/txts :D
Napoleon
12-13-09, 06:37 AM
I am at dinner last night with the brother and his wife and they mention having been at Toys R Us and seeing a Tiger Woods doll sitting on the shelf. The temptation is nearly overwhelming to stop there today, gather some Barbies and surround Tiger with them.
Don Quixote
12-15-09, 11:47 AM
More problems for El Tigre?
sporting news article (http://www.sportingnews.com/golf/article/2009-12-15/doctor-who-treated-tiger-woods-being-investigated-ped-probe)
Tiger's got a cougar! 14 and counting (http://www.bostonherald.com/news/national/south/view/20091215kid_welfare_workers_eye_tiger_tiff_as_gal_ 14_outed/srvc=home&position=also)
What are the odds... :eek:
"Every woman should have four pets in her life: A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything."
-Paris Hilton
thought I'd post the Cliff Notes version for anybody joining us now to get them up to speed quickly.
jGQ-ISsDm8M
extramundane
12-15-09, 09:53 PM
thought I'd post the Cliff Notes version for anybody joining us now to get them up to speed quickly.
jGQ-ISsDm8M
http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x90/fredapeople/animated/Applause-2.gif
Don Quixote
12-15-09, 11:45 PM
Ank :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
WickerBill
12-16-09, 09:33 AM
Ank, you win the internet
I think it's safe to assume that Tiger is not a member of the "Sir Mix Alot" school of thought.
TRANSAM
12-16-09, 11:06 PM
There are reports of divorce and Elin signing a marketing deal with Puma.
Sean Malone
12-16-09, 11:23 PM
There are reports of divorce and Elin signing a marketing deal with Puma.
Elin...if you are reading this...First let me say I love Sweden. Ludfisk, lingonberry, meatballs...I'm all over it baby. PM me!
Don Quixote
12-16-09, 11:55 PM
Elin...if you are reading this...First let me say I love Sweden. Ludfisk, lingonberry, meatballs...I'm all over it baby. PM me! I seem to recall you using the same lines on FOCC. :laugh:
Napoleon
12-17-09, 07:08 AM
Elin...if you are reading this...First let me say I love Sweden. Ludfisk, lingonberry, meatballs...I'm all over it baby. PM me!
No ABBA?
opinionated ow
12-17-09, 07:21 AM
No ABBA?
He forgot Volvo and Saab too.
TRANSAM
12-17-09, 10:07 PM
Some of the better comments on this tale:
There is no hope for this marriage. There was a smattering of hope seven mistresses ago, but not any more.
He's like the Mozart of golf.He was created by his father, everything was devoted to nurturing his genius, and yet, where is the moral centre of Tiger Woods?
No ABBA?
he's trying to get laid...
Tiger Hunting (http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html) :D
His PR people are working the sympathy angle now...Poor Tiger. :shakehead
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/tiger_lonely_days_of_cereal_toons_OALLTQANs7SBAEZb zE67kL
His PR people are working the sympathy angle now...
Well considering the skanks he was with...... ;)
I say she gets half of everything. Serves him right fore being such a man tramp. He hasn't seen the last of her pimp hand.
I say she gets half of everything. Serves him right fore being such a man tramp. He hasn't seen the last of her pimp hand.
Like she didn't know what she was getting into w/ a prenup.
To make his alimony and child care payments, she's going to make him play in every two bit tourney from Florida to Hawaii. It's ironic, considering she was complaining he played too much golf before.
Has to be a country western song in there somewhere.
Like she didn't know what she was getting into w/ a prenup.
I don't think any person who signs a prenup should expect to be cheated on and publicly humiliated.
Sean Malone
12-18-09, 08:05 PM
I don't think any person who signs a prenup should expect to be cheated on and publicly humiliated.
True. The pre-nup more than likely helps Tiger rather than her.
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.
I don't think any person who signs a prenup should expect to be cheated on and publicly humiliated.
she was a nanny, marrying one of the biggest, wealthiest sports stars in the world. I'm sure without the wealth & fame she would've been all about dating him...
I'd say she's made out pretty well so far, personal pain aside.
Napoleon
12-19-09, 08:27 AM
Ank, I don't think that invalidates her point, which is a moral one.
Napoleon
12-19-09, 08:56 AM
Tiger saying Michael Vick should have apologized earlier (http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/2007-tiger-dissed-vick-for-waiting-to-apologize-27428)
To be fair, Tiger should only be apologizing to his wife, kids, and his mom. I read somewhere that Tiger said his dad was his biggest role model. He was a philanderer too.
She married a billion dollar pro athlete. He married a Swedish model. Who could have guessed that he would turn out to have a weakness for women and she would turn out to be a gold digger? :rofl:
If there was any justice, we would execute the lawyers.
Napoleon
12-19-09, 06:04 PM
. . . we would execute the lawyers.
HEY!
WickerBill
12-19-09, 06:28 PM
sorry Nap... collateral damage. j/k
http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4925784
Far more compelling will be the sound of his voice. Woods has not been heard in the 78 days since a magazine released a voicemail he allegedly left one of the women to whom he has been romantically linked, warning that Woods' wife might be calling.
Instead of going on "Oprah" or another national television show to break the ice, Woods essentially will be speaking to the lone camera allowed in the room. It will be televised via satellite.
Three networks -- ABC, CBS and NBC -- will carry the statement live. ESPN will have it live on all its platforms, including Internet streaming, radio and mobile. The Golf Channel will start coverage at 10:30 a.m. -- call it a 30-minute pregame show.
Almost as intriguing is which "friends, colleagues and close associates" will be in the Sunset Room on the second floor of the Mediterranean-style clubhouse at the TPC Sawgrass.
PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem, who made the clubhouse available and is offering logistical help, has said he would attend, and as many as four other members of his executive staff will be in the room.
Everyone else will congregate at the Sawgrass Marriott to watch on short circuit. The adjacent ballrooms looked ready to hold a Super Bowl party, with flat-screen TVs along the walls and a large video screen in the center of the room.
:shakehead :saywhat:
-Kevin
datachicane
02-18-10, 09:39 PM
Man, this is one deeply disturbed society that we live in.
:shakehead
Closest thing to a public execution these days.
As to what the announcement will be...maybe he's been traded to the Bungles. :p
maybe he's been traded to the Bungles. :p
Nah. No charges were filed. He doesn't qualify. :gomer: :saywhat:
-Kevin
Don Quixote
02-18-10, 10:16 PM
I'm glad that the douchebag is in complete control of the whole proceedings. Heck, I sure would hate to see anything spontaneous and sincere. I bet he wrote the apology statement by himself. :gomer:
Methanolandbrats
02-18-10, 10:32 PM
This might be the mother of all WGAFs
Sean Malone
02-18-10, 10:34 PM
This might be the mother of all WGAFs
:thumbup:
Man, this is one deeply disturbed society that we live in.
:shakehead
No doubt.
chop456
02-19-10, 04:18 AM
Man, this is one deeply disturbed society that we live in.
:shakehead
A friend e-mailed this to me a few weeks back and it certainly seems to fit here.
Writer David Maraniss, after attending his sister's memorial service and listening to her friends and students speak. She was a pianist and professor of music, killed in a car accident.
“It made me think about the people our modern celebrity culture honors. To peer into the fetid life of a dysfunctional public figure, we buy books by the millions. We weep and throw flowers at the memory of a distant princess. We scream in delight and tear at the clothes of immature frauds. We tune in to hear experts with bloated egos talk about how right they are and how wrong everyone else is. We pay young men millions of dollars to hit or shoot or catch a ball, watch them buy fleets of luxury cars and listen to them whine about feeling underappreciated. And yet we all know people who are the real thing, out there in places like Ithaca and Madison — and Washington, too — teaching glorious music to our children, appalled by self-righteousness, searching not for status but for meaning. Driving off to work on Sundays in their old cars. People like Wendy, my little sister.”
extramundane
02-19-10, 10:03 AM
Man, this is one deeply disturbed society that we live in.
:shakehead
To underscore this: You would not believe the number of teachers who have asked that one of the cable-to-desktop streams be changed to a channel carrying Tiger's dog & pony show.
Teachers. During class instruction time. :shakehead
Don Quixote
02-19-10, 10:44 AM
A friend e-mailed this to me a few weeks back and it certainly seems to fit here.
:thumbup:
chop456
02-19-10, 12:33 PM
Teachers. During class instruction time. :shakehead
It's in their contract. :gomer:
Excellent, chop. :thumbup:
And to hell with the scumbag pampered golfcelebtard AND his gold digging ho of a wife. The only people paying attention to you two are those at your level.
To underscore this: You would not believe the number of teachers who have asked that one of the cable-to-desktop streams be changed to a channel carrying Tiger's dog & pony show.
Teachers. During class instruction time. :shakehead
Kids today. :shakehead
I watched the OJ verdict live in my high school physics class on an OTA analog standard definition CRT Zenith TV, and I was happy to have it. :gomer:
I predict he will enter 'treatment' for something and emerge 'good as new' a few months down the road.
Bump.
It is hard to admit that I need help. But I do. For 45 days, from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy, receiving guidance for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction.
:laugh:
Bump.
Quote:
It is hard to admit that I need help. But I do. For 45 days, from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy, receiving guidance for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction.
:laugh:
Inpatient therapy? Did he name them?
Methanolandbrats
02-19-10, 08:26 PM
Inpatient therapy? Did he name them?
I think he's right handed.
Holy crap, Batman!
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/06/30/elin-nordegren-gets-m-custody-kids-exchange-silence-tiger-woods-divorce/?test=faces
Tiger Woods is banned from letting girlfriends near his kids in a divorce deal netting his ex a record $750 million settlement, The Sun reported Wednesday.
The golfer agreed to keep single women away from daughter Sam, three, and son Charlie, one.
He can bring a new flame into their lives only if he marries her. In return, former wife Elin Nordegren ,30, gets the biggest payout ever seen in a celebrity divorce.
:eek:
-Kevin
Did she agree to the same restrictions? :p
(1) 30yo MILF
+ (3:1) nanny ratio
+ 3/4's of a billion dollars
+ personal relationship with Tiger Woods
= dudes lined up around the world
750M for being cheated on?
wtf?
devilmaster
06-30-10, 03:54 PM
I love how the quote reads....
Tiger can't do this... and 'in return' for not doing this, elin gets 750 mill....
huh??? :confused:
oddlycalm
06-30-10, 04:15 PM
750M for being cheated on?
wtf?
No, 750M for keeping quiet on the details and not jerking him around on the kids. If he didn't care about what she said he could have stuck to the pre-nup and gotten out for peanuts.
oc
Insomniac
07-03-10, 01:22 PM
Darren Rovell of CNBC said there is no way that number is accurate.
I tend to agree that. I bet all that information was leaked by Tiger's camp to help with his image.
On a related note: Is there a number where you don't have to pay alimony and child support as well?
cameraman
07-03-10, 02:13 PM
Alimony and child support are two different things and are negotiated independently. Generally child support would be required even with that pay out but the dollar value might be at some statutory minimum.
Don Quixote
08-23-10, 03:16 PM
It's official guys, Elin is now available.
http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=5489950
Jeez, who knew getting divorced would improve your golf game so much. :eek:
Perhaps..... :gomer:
-Kevin
oddlycalm
08-26-10, 03:54 PM
Jeez, who knew getting divorced would improve your golf game so much. :eek:
Perhaps..... :gomer:
Sorry baby, it's the low handicap or you....:laugh:
oc
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