Paintergeek
05-28-11, 11:42 AM
Patrick buys her place in history, Wins Indy 500
In an ironic twist of fate, Ryan Hunter-Reay was forced to sell his Indy 500 first place finish to regular season teammate Danica Patrick, Who had failed to finish the race on her own. Ryan had only gotten into the 500 after buying Bruno Junqueiras ride, having failed to qualify the car himself.
"Wow...It's about time!" screeched Patrick upon learning of the news while on a plane home after the race. "We've been trying this for years, and no one would budge from their victory. In fact, We couldnt get any podium sitter to even consider it. They always referred to their 'morals', which I think is some sort of eel. I don't know what that had to do with anything, but regardless...they wouldn't sell me a podium". Patrick continued "I guess I need to thank my car owner, Michael Andretti, For finally working so hard to get this deal done. Its quite a relief. I am finally, for the first time ever, both smiling and satisfied with the results of something. It's a strange feeling." As we ended contact, we could hear her say to an unknown passenger 'What is this tingling sensation in my crotch? Its all warm and squishy.... Ive never felt such a thing".
Owner Michael Andretti had this to say about the move: "With her imminent move to Nascar, Time was runn ing out for her to get a win in Indy, and it just made good sense for Danica to win, for the sake of the sport, and for her sponsors. They've been loyal to her and the series, and they deserved a victory. When it was clear Danica couldn't do this on her own, even with the league assistance, it was just a smart move to buy the victory from [Ryans car owner] A.J. [Foyt]"
Team owner A.J. Foyt responded "Its what Indy is all about. You see someone in need, You help them out. Danica was clearly in need of an earned victory. Her only win in Japan was obviously league assisted, and now she can truly say she earned a victory on her own, and she did like we used to, the the old fashioned way: She bought it".
When asked for a comment, original winner Ryan Hunter-Raey could only say "Damn. In my [expletive removed] face....". Bruno Junqueira could not be reached for comment, But tweeted shortly after the announcement "LOL, LMFAO". Which we can only assume is Portuguese for "I congratulate her".
author unknown
In an ironic twist of fate, Ryan Hunter-Reay was forced to sell his Indy 500 first place finish to regular season teammate Danica Patrick, Who had failed to finish the race on her own. Ryan had only gotten into the 500 after buying Bruno Junqueiras ride, having failed to qualify the car himself.
"Wow...It's about time!" screeched Patrick upon learning of the news while on a plane home after the race. "We've been trying this for years, and no one would budge from their victory. In fact, We couldnt get any podium sitter to even consider it. They always referred to their 'morals', which I think is some sort of eel. I don't know what that had to do with anything, but regardless...they wouldn't sell me a podium". Patrick continued "I guess I need to thank my car owner, Michael Andretti, For finally working so hard to get this deal done. Its quite a relief. I am finally, for the first time ever, both smiling and satisfied with the results of something. It's a strange feeling." As we ended contact, we could hear her say to an unknown passenger 'What is this tingling sensation in my crotch? Its all warm and squishy.... Ive never felt such a thing".
Owner Michael Andretti had this to say about the move: "With her imminent move to Nascar, Time was runn ing out for her to get a win in Indy, and it just made good sense for Danica to win, for the sake of the sport, and for her sponsors. They've been loyal to her and the series, and they deserved a victory. When it was clear Danica couldn't do this on her own, even with the league assistance, it was just a smart move to buy the victory from [Ryans car owner] A.J. [Foyt]"
Team owner A.J. Foyt responded "Its what Indy is all about. You see someone in need, You help them out. Danica was clearly in need of an earned victory. Her only win in Japan was obviously league assisted, and now she can truly say she earned a victory on her own, and she did like we used to, the the old fashioned way: She bought it".
When asked for a comment, original winner Ryan Hunter-Raey could only say "Damn. In my [expletive removed] face....". Bruno Junqueira could not be reached for comment, But tweeted shortly after the announcement "LOL, LMFAO". Which we can only assume is Portuguese for "I congratulate her".
author unknown