JT265
09-16-03, 12:00 AM
I posted this at Crapwagon, but if it can offer up a chuckle or two here at home, the more the merrier.
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For those of you here that don't know me, (which is the majority here I believe), I wanted to outline my position on the world, and things that make you go HMMMMMMM.
I don't like earl. There is a smarmy "I just done my sister" kinda vibe that permeates the entire corner at 16th and Georgetown. Me and the Dixie Chicks agree on earl.
I don't like getting bitched out by some punk whose big achievement in life is handing me my coffee out a drive-thru window, cause I don't have the correct change. I mean, is the title "Assistant Manager" of the drive-thru a freaking career goal?
I don't like dorkwads who steal their momma's telephone time and hardwire their 386 to a modem, all in the interest of promoting themselves as "internet analysts". Who knew there was a downside to electricity in Alaska anyway?
Finally, it chaps my a$$ to no end to be cruising down the big highway on a beautiful sunny day, only to have to bring the brakes up to temp BIG TIME so me and the 1/4 mile or so of otherwise happy freakin' motorists ahead of me can observe some dickwad rummaging thru the glovebox of his Yugo for the manual on how to change a freakin' tire.
Which brings me to the point of this post. ;)
I was readin' paper's post about soiling himself by lookin' at GomerForum (ALL GOOBERS!!!!!! ALL THE TIME!!!!!) when just like the aforementioned dorkwads stopping traffic, I done the same damn thing as paper did!
And here is what I learned...............
Although Don Panoz has himself a rocking series in ALMS, the ONLY reason it blew earl outta the water is because it was on NBC, which thanks to the aforementioned cross-dresser from Alaska, I found out is the #1 network in the country.
So, that got me to thinking. What say we find the aforementioned cross-dresser, drop a couple of hits of acid into is Ovaltine, and have him read every CART financial statement and guidance since the IPO, all the time video-taping it for later release?
For background music, we could use the outta tune guitar stylings of Kenny Brack. Picture if you will, some of the greatest revisonists in the history of Gooberforum assembled in one igloo!
We could have Wilke joined by Indyfool, Hooter, Dork Austin, the goofy bitch from Hawaii with the commas,,,,,,,,,, and Turn 13 (as long as he promised to bring his other identities as well), kinda have ourselves a gomer roundtable if you will.
We could call it Gomers gone mad!!!!!
Sound foolish? Certainly. But here's the hook. Taking what I learned today at Quackforum, we need to do a time buy on NBC, cause as long as it's on NBC, it's guaranteed to be a hit, scoring a 97.3 share with 107,987,000 households, regardless of the content.
This my friends gets us into Superbowl territory, and all the props go to NBC for being able to shove drivel down thinking peoples throats, according to Gooberforum at least. By the time it is all said and done, we are scoring 3 mil per ad spot, and I vote to donate that $$$$ to the OWRS folks.
You guys in?
(of course, for those of you that don't like the idea of being close to these unwashed goobers, running a tape-loop of a mangy old dog pissing on the front tire of a '58 ford 1/2 ton will suffice. Remember, it's all because we are on NBC now)
================================================== ===================
For those of you here that don't know me, (which is the majority here I believe), I wanted to outline my position on the world, and things that make you go HMMMMMMM.
I don't like earl. There is a smarmy "I just done my sister" kinda vibe that permeates the entire corner at 16th and Georgetown. Me and the Dixie Chicks agree on earl.
I don't like getting bitched out by some punk whose big achievement in life is handing me my coffee out a drive-thru window, cause I don't have the correct change. I mean, is the title "Assistant Manager" of the drive-thru a freaking career goal?
I don't like dorkwads who steal their momma's telephone time and hardwire their 386 to a modem, all in the interest of promoting themselves as "internet analysts". Who knew there was a downside to electricity in Alaska anyway?
Finally, it chaps my a$$ to no end to be cruising down the big highway on a beautiful sunny day, only to have to bring the brakes up to temp BIG TIME so me and the 1/4 mile or so of otherwise happy freakin' motorists ahead of me can observe some dickwad rummaging thru the glovebox of his Yugo for the manual on how to change a freakin' tire.
Which brings me to the point of this post. ;)
I was readin' paper's post about soiling himself by lookin' at GomerForum (ALL GOOBERS!!!!!! ALL THE TIME!!!!!) when just like the aforementioned dorkwads stopping traffic, I done the same damn thing as paper did!
And here is what I learned...............
Although Don Panoz has himself a rocking series in ALMS, the ONLY reason it blew earl outta the water is because it was on NBC, which thanks to the aforementioned cross-dresser from Alaska, I found out is the #1 network in the country.
So, that got me to thinking. What say we find the aforementioned cross-dresser, drop a couple of hits of acid into is Ovaltine, and have him read every CART financial statement and guidance since the IPO, all the time video-taping it for later release?
For background music, we could use the outta tune guitar stylings of Kenny Brack. Picture if you will, some of the greatest revisonists in the history of Gooberforum assembled in one igloo!
We could have Wilke joined by Indyfool, Hooter, Dork Austin, the goofy bitch from Hawaii with the commas,,,,,,,,,, and Turn 13 (as long as he promised to bring his other identities as well), kinda have ourselves a gomer roundtable if you will.
We could call it Gomers gone mad!!!!!
Sound foolish? Certainly. But here's the hook. Taking what I learned today at Quackforum, we need to do a time buy on NBC, cause as long as it's on NBC, it's guaranteed to be a hit, scoring a 97.3 share with 107,987,000 households, regardless of the content.
This my friends gets us into Superbowl territory, and all the props go to NBC for being able to shove drivel down thinking peoples throats, according to Gooberforum at least. By the time it is all said and done, we are scoring 3 mil per ad spot, and I vote to donate that $$$$ to the OWRS folks.
You guys in?
(of course, for those of you that don't like the idea of being close to these unwashed goobers, running a tape-loop of a mangy old dog pissing on the front tire of a '58 ford 1/2 ton will suffice. Remember, it's all because we are on NBC now)