mapguy
12-26-03, 03:17 PM
THE MAN CODE:
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both.
That is just plain mean.
Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
to pick a buffalo wing clean.
If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight,
you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24
hours his actions have caused you to think,
"What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin",
then you may sit back and enjoy.
Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must
bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
The average time to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes.
For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point
of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional
and slightly gay.
Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy
is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get
carried away with your good deed and end up having Sex with the beast,
your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his
permission - and he is required to grant it.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't
see nothin'.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach . . . and it's delivered by a
topless super model and it's free.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be
referring to his beer.
Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except
when she's withholding sex pending your response.
Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all
other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you
may not join him...
Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both.
That is just plain mean.
Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
to pick a buffalo wing clean.
If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight,
you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24
hours his actions have caused you to think,
"What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin",
then you may sit back and enjoy.
Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must
bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
The average time to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes.
For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point
of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional
and slightly gay.
Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy
is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get
carried away with your good deed and end up having Sex with the beast,
your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his
permission - and he is required to grant it.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't
see nothin'.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach . . . and it's delivered by a
topless super model and it's free.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be
referring to his beer.
Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except
when she's withholding sex pending your response.
Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all
other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you
may not join him...
Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.