Two Hydrogen Atoms

[chop456]

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street.

One says, "I've lost an electron".

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes", the first one replies.

"I'm positive".


:cry: :D

[Railbird]

shockingly funny!

[indyfan31]

:rofl:

Is the term "bad pun" an oxymoron?

[lone_groover]

I know this is the off season and all. But did you really have to resort to physical humor?


:)

[pchall]

xxxxxxxxxx

[pchall]

Two nuts were walking down the street and found a bar, so they went in and downed a few pints. When they left the establishment the cashew suddenly turned and beat the crap out of the other nut.

Q: What kind of nut was the second?

A: Assaulted peanut.


:p

[racer2c]

It was even funnier the second time! :)

[pchall]

The first time it was translated from the King's English into the Kaiser's German. No wonder it wasn't funny.

No prize for knowing the source. ;)

[lone_groover]

....won't be long before somebody decides to play the legume card.


:D

[RHR_Fan]

Q:What is it called when the cheese isn't yours?

A: Nacho cheese! :rofl:

[lone_groover]

Oh man!

CALLING DR. SCHOLL !!!

:cry:

[mapguy]

James Bond once slept right through an earthquake.
He was shaken; not stirred.

[chop456]

Oh man!

CALLING DR. SCHOLL !!!

:cry:

Corn remover ainta' gonna' help this thread.

[Barton]

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.









Thank you, thank you... no really, hold your applause. I'll be here all week.

[WickerBill]

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

[JT265]

Roses are red,

I know not why,

I'm schizophrenic,

AND SO AM I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- submitted by T. George




:D

[RichK]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra,

[Lizzerd]

A piece of string walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender says "hey there buddy what can I... Hey wait a minute. You're a piece of string. We don't serve your kind here."

The dejected piece of string leaves the bar, ties itself into a knot and frazzles each of its ends. The piece of string walks back into the bar and sits down.

The bartender says "hi pal, what can I... Hey wait a minute. You're a piece of string, right?"

"No, I'm a frayed knot."

[KLang]

You folks need a race. ;) :laugh:

[nz_climber]

You folks need a race. ;) :laugh:

You can say that again!! :eek:

[Lizzerd]

You folks need a race. ;) :laugh:

Amen

[IlliniRacer]

Celine Dion walks into a bar

Bartendar says why the long face?

[rabbit]

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer...








... and some preztels." And the bartender said, "Why the big paws?"




A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my paw!"



Is this thing on? tap, tap... feedback :gomer:

[rocket]

A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hey we have a drink named after you", the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steve?" :p

[WickerBill]

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

[Don Quixote]

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and takes a seat by himself.
From out of nowhere, he hears a voice say, "Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?" He looks around, and sees that the only other person in the bar is the bartender, who is all the way at the other end of the bar. He shrugs it off, and takes another drink of his beer.
"That's a really nice suit. It looks good on you," the voice says again.
The guy looks around, and before he can say anything, the voice says, "You have very nice eyes."
The guy freaks out, and shouts, "Hey, bartender! Come here!"
As the bartender arrives, the voice speaks again. "That's a nice haircut!"
"Who keeps talking to me?!" The guy asks the bartender.
"Oh, that?" The bartender says, "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

[Methanolandbrats]

A guy walks into a diner and asks how much for a doughut and coffee. The waitress says the doughnut is 50 cents, coffee is 50 cents and refills are free. So the says "I'll have a doughnut and a refill".

[Joe in LA]

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walk into a bar.

The Bartender says: "What is this, some kinda joke?"

[Foxman]

A sandwhich walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

[RacinM3]

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

[Ankf00]

Q:What is it called when the cheese isn't yours?

A: Nacho cheese! :rofl:
Funny how you manage to out-nerd yourself :D

[TedN]

Pas de Deux

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep
calling her 'the ballerina'?"

The drunk replied, "any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina.

;)

[WickerBill]

I'm going to add the best joke I've been told in a while, even though it isn't really in the same vein as these ... uhhh... lamentable pieces of work above.

Woman with baby carrier climbs on a bus and the driver exclaims to her, "Whoa! That's the ugliest baby I have ever seen!"

Humiliated and furious, the woman storms to the back and sits next to a gentleman who can't help but notice how angry she is. He asks her what is wrong and she says "The driver humiliated and insulted me! I should go give him a piece of my mind!"

To which the man replies, "Of course you should. You go right up there and do that. I'll watch your monkey for you."



Not sure why I like it so much. But I do.

[racer2c]

I'm going to add the best joke I've been told in a while, even though it isn't really in the same vein as these ... uhhh... lamentable pieces of work above.

Woman with baby carrier climbs on a bus and the driver exclaims to her, "Whoa! That's the ugliest baby I have ever seen!"

Humiliated and furious, the woman storms to the back and sits next to a gentleman who can't help but notice how angry she is. He asks her what is wrong and she says "The driver humiliated and insulted me! I should go give him a piece of my mind!"

To which the man replies, "Of course you should. You go right up there and do that. I'll watch your monkey for you."



Not sure why I like it so much. But I do.

It actually made me laugh out loud! :thumbup: :D

[JoeBob]

Three little old ladies are approached by a flasher.

The first little old lady has a stroke.

The second little old lady has a stroke.

The third little old lady couldn't reach.

[Cam]

A guy walks into a bar that he hasn't been in for 12 months......

Bartender turns around and says "He can fix your computer!!!!!"





Oh wait..... That actually happened to me yesterday! :gomer: :saywhat:

[rabbit]

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" rimshot

[cartcanuck]

Oh, yeah????

Well there was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration