Honda's "Performance Incentives"

[JoeBob]

Robert Clarke recently claimed that HPD doesn't provide "free engines", but they do provide some "performance incentives" to their teams.

I don't have access to the complete list, but I think I've figured some of them out:

1. If your engine is used during an IRL event, or in testing for an IRL event, Honda will rebate the cost of the engine plus the cost of any rebuilds.

2. If your driver's first or last name ends in a vowel, Honda will rebate all compensation paid to the driver. If the driver's first and last names both end in vowels, you will be paid for double - one rebate for each name. For the purposes of this provision, the letter "Y" counts as a vowel. Nicknames may also be counted towards this provision. For example, if your driver's name is "Dan Wheldon" but he is also known as "Danny Wheldon" you would receive the driver compensation rebate.

3. Your team will be paid $100,000 for each ChampCar race that it does not start. In the event that a previously scheduled ChampCar race is cancelled, the team will receive $200,000. This provision is available only to teams that participated in the ChampCar Series after 1996.

4. Your team will be paid $10,000 every time a team member praises the safety of the Indy Cars. An additional $10,000 will be awarded for each of the following shown on television during the interview: (a) A scar (b) a cast or brace (c) a replay of a crash accompanied by the words savage, devastating, frightening, or brutal. An additional $20,000 will be awarded if the statement is made while seated in a wheelchair. An additional $50,000 will be awarded if the statement is made while in a hospital bed.

Feel free to add any others I may have missed.

[Racewriter]

Robert Clarke recently claimed that HPD doesn't provide "free engines", but they do provide some "performance incentives" to their teams.

I don't have access to the complete list, but I think I've figured some of them out:

1. If your engine is used during an IRL event, or in testing for an IRL event, Honda will rebate the cost of the engine plus the cost of any rebuilds.

2. If your driver's first or last name ends in a vowel, Honda will rebate all compensation paid to the driver. If the driver's first and last names both end in vowels, you will be paid for double - one rebate for each name. For the purposes of this provision, the letter "Y" counts as a vowel. Nicknames may also be counted towards this provision. For example, if your driver's name is "Dan Wheldon" but he is also known as "Danny Wheldon" you would receive the driver compensation rebate.

3. Your team will be paid $100,000 for each ChampCar race that it does not start. In the event that a previously scheduled ChampCar race is cancelled, the team will receive $200,000. This provision is available only to teams that participated in the ChampCar Series after 1996.

4. Your team will be paid $10,000 every time a team member praises the safety of the Indy Cars. An additional $10,000 will be awarded for each of the following shown on television during the interview: (a) A scar (b) a cast or brace (c) a replay of a crash accompanied by the words savage, devastating, frightening, or brutal. An additional $20,000 will be awarded if the statement is made while seated in a wheelchair. An additional $50,000 will be awarded if the statement is made while in a hospital bed.

Feel free to add any others I may have missed.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Rob]

I wish I could find the exact quote from a couple weeks ago, but he said something like "I can say that Honda doesn't provide free engines. I can say that we are not trying to poach teams." Whatever it was, he prefaced both sentences with "I can say."

Well, I can say I had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's true. If only my worthless piece of crap Acura NSX Turbo hadn't broken down on the way to Nicole's place. DAMN YOU HONDA FOR MAKING CRAPPY CARS!!!

[Sean O'Gorman]

3. Your team will be paid $100,000 for each ChampCar race that it does not start.

That one is definitely the funniest, whoever came up with that is a comic genius! :laugh: ;)

[pfc_m_drake]

Well, I can say I had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's true.
:eek: :eek: :eek:
No way!!! For sure it's true...after all, I read it right here on the internet
:laugh:

[cart7]

5. Internet forum rumour special. $5,000 for each internet forum "insider" rumour which claims another top CCWS team is leaving for the IRL and running Honda engines. This is open to all Honda partner IRL drivers, team owners or team members.
Cash prize to be paid if the rumour is mentioned at anytime during a Wind Tunnel telecast. Verification of your handle and password at the particular forum will be required.

The prize is doubled if the post is made at Crapwagon.com and your anoynomous handle survives a single 24 hour day without being "counted down". ;)

[Insomniac]

1. If your engine is used during an IRL event, or in testing for an IRL event, Honda will rebate the cost of the engine plus the cost of any rebuilds.

This one is actually probably close to true. You pay regular price up front and then are rebated money at the end of the year. Lots of businesses do that.