Anteater
08-09-04, 06:18 PM
Three years ago, I posted a thread on 7th Gear relating my concerns about my father, who apparently was in the early stages of dementia. Several of you posted responses in that thread, and gave me good advice as well as comfort. A lot has happened since then; I would like to share what has transpired in the ensuing 3 years.
A few months after my original post, my father signed a notarized Universal Form Power of Attorney, which named me as his agent and gave me the legal right to act as he would have wished, should he become unable to manage his affairs. This was a huge step, but my father is a proud, stubborn man, and it would be late 2002 before he would willingly relinquish the management of his financial affairs to me. By that time he was over $25,000 in debt, had bounced many checks and was forgetting to pay bills. But at least I had the power to help him.
During this same time, Dad ran a red light while trying to answer his cell phone, and while no one was injured in the resulting accident, there was substantial damage to his pickup truck and to the vehicle that he hit. This was Dad’s 3rd accident in a year, and I decided that something needed to be done quickly. So I filled out a “Request for Driver Safety Evaluation” form and sent it in to the DMV, explaining the circumstances of his accident. He was summoned to an interview, and had to take a vision test and driving tests (both written and behind the wheel). Dad failed everything. He lost his driving privilege, I took away the truck, and the roads became a slightly safer place for everyone.
A couple of weeks later, I took Dad on a tour of a senior apartment complex 15 miles from my home, where I would be better able to help him; he decided that would be an OK place to live. When he moved to his new place, I arranged for a bus to take him to the local senior center for lunch Monday-Friday, where he volunteered and was very well-liked. He made many friends at the apartment complex as well.
In the meantime, I found a doctor who was a geriatric specialist. For a year, I took Dad to every appointment; his doctor and I worked together trying to resolve Dad’s health and cognitive problems. In spite of our efforts, Dad was slowly sliding downhill. Three weeks ago Dad’s condition took a sudden turn for the worse; he passed out at the senior center and was taken to the hospital, where he received a pacemaker. From the hospital he went directly to a very good board & care home that I had found just in time.
They are taking very good care of Dad at the board & care home, but he is extremely confused. Like Billy Pilgrim, he has “come unstuck in time”: he does not know what year it is or who the President is. Sometimes he thinks that it’s WWII and he’s a Navy medical corpsman. He looks out at the wide blue Pacific and says that he’s going to take the boat out (meaning the sailboat that he sold in 1993). It is a very hard situation for me to deal with. At least Dad seems content (he says that the board & care is the nicest place that he ever stayed on vacation, but when can he go home?). But I miss my feisty dad, even if he did almost drive me crazy (please know that when I say stuff like "I took away the truck," there was a h*ll of a fight involved!). And I know it’s only going to get worse. The diagnosis is vascular dementia and probably Alzheimer’s as well. :(
A few months after my original post, my father signed a notarized Universal Form Power of Attorney, which named me as his agent and gave me the legal right to act as he would have wished, should he become unable to manage his affairs. This was a huge step, but my father is a proud, stubborn man, and it would be late 2002 before he would willingly relinquish the management of his financial affairs to me. By that time he was over $25,000 in debt, had bounced many checks and was forgetting to pay bills. But at least I had the power to help him.
During this same time, Dad ran a red light while trying to answer his cell phone, and while no one was injured in the resulting accident, there was substantial damage to his pickup truck and to the vehicle that he hit. This was Dad’s 3rd accident in a year, and I decided that something needed to be done quickly. So I filled out a “Request for Driver Safety Evaluation” form and sent it in to the DMV, explaining the circumstances of his accident. He was summoned to an interview, and had to take a vision test and driving tests (both written and behind the wheel). Dad failed everything. He lost his driving privilege, I took away the truck, and the roads became a slightly safer place for everyone.
A couple of weeks later, I took Dad on a tour of a senior apartment complex 15 miles from my home, where I would be better able to help him; he decided that would be an OK place to live. When he moved to his new place, I arranged for a bus to take him to the local senior center for lunch Monday-Friday, where he volunteered and was very well-liked. He made many friends at the apartment complex as well.
In the meantime, I found a doctor who was a geriatric specialist. For a year, I took Dad to every appointment; his doctor and I worked together trying to resolve Dad’s health and cognitive problems. In spite of our efforts, Dad was slowly sliding downhill. Three weeks ago Dad’s condition took a sudden turn for the worse; he passed out at the senior center and was taken to the hospital, where he received a pacemaker. From the hospital he went directly to a very good board & care home that I had found just in time.
They are taking very good care of Dad at the board & care home, but he is extremely confused. Like Billy Pilgrim, he has “come unstuck in time”: he does not know what year it is or who the President is. Sometimes he thinks that it’s WWII and he’s a Navy medical corpsman. He looks out at the wide blue Pacific and says that he’s going to take the boat out (meaning the sailboat that he sold in 1993). It is a very hard situation for me to deal with. At least Dad seems content (he says that the board & care is the nicest place that he ever stayed on vacation, but when can he go home?). But I miss my feisty dad, even if he did almost drive me crazy (please know that when I say stuff like "I took away the truck," there was a h*ll of a fight involved!). And I know it’s only going to get worse. The diagnosis is vascular dementia and probably Alzheimer’s as well. :(