Mitch Hedberg dies

[The Doctor]

Heard a rumor today that Mitch Hedberg had died. Found confirmation of it on HowardStern.com.

Sad day. :(

Mitch Hedberg :thumbup:

[Gnam]

:thumdown:

Son-of-a-Bitch! That really sucks.

[extramundane]

Damn! I intended to go see him this past weekend, but time + ill health didn't allow me.

News report I just read said it was a heart attack.

[indyfan31]

Who was he?

[Sean O'Gorman]

A hilarious comedian.

[fourrunner]

I had just gotten his new CD/DVD "Mitch Hedberg / Mitch All Together" a week or so ago ...... as a direct result of his recent appearance on Howard Stern I'd watched him numerous times on Letterman, and Comedy Central over the years.

He was a truly unique and gifted Comedian....

Great Guy ... RIP !!!

[The Doctor]

Only news report seen so far:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/news/bal-artslife-news-hedberg31,1,6888591.story?coll=bal-entertainment-headlines&ctrack=1&cset=true

[Dave99]

That sucks! :(

"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too." - Mitch Hedberg

[Paintergeek]

I, too, am a fan and am sorry to hear of his passing.

Here are some of his mitch-isms. I may have duplicated some. My favorite is the 'blocking a fire exit' line..........




I tried walking into a Target, but I missed.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for ME.

I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide."

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself and he said. "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I'm older. How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."


"Has anyone seen me on Lettermen? 2 billion people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store."

"I type 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language."

"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."

"It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky."

"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was too busy mumbling that ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

"At the end of the letter I like to write P.S.- This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."

"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."

"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important that others."
"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."

"I lke refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time."

"I got into and argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up real quick?"

"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."

"I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said screw that, I'll just get a tan instead."

"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."

"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me they just say "Mitch," and I say "What?" and turn my head slightly."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escaloaor temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music" As though there's another way you can take it in. Your not special. That's how I recieve it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."

"I went to the park and saw a kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."

"I was at the airport and this guy came up to me and said I saw you on tv last night. He didn't say if I was any good. He just told me where I was. So turned away for a minute and said Hey I saw you at the airport a minute ago. You were good."

I can't get into flossing, I can't. People who smoke say you don't know how hard it is to stop smoking. Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. You seem jittery. Yeah, I'm about to floss.

"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil and the devil is....Dill."

"Alcoholism, is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, your an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupis. One of those two doesn't sound right."

"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."

"I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you."

"I've been working the colleges and I always buy the shirts from the college, because they're quality shirts. But people always get the wrong idea. I'm walking around wearing a Washington U shirt and someone says "Hey Washington U, Did you go there?" Yeah! It was a Wednesday."

"Y'know I order a club sandwhich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sanwhiches with three peices of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."

"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again" they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."

"I brought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the senerio where I would have to prove that I broughrt a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers they'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. Bu then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."

[JohnnyQ]

Dude was funny. Heard him on Stern. Good night funny man. :(

[Dave99]

"How many of you out there know who I am? How come all of you people who don't know who I am are at my show tonight?"

"I went to a concert the other night and the lead singer says "how many of you out there feel like people?" and then he says "How many of you feel like animals?". And I yelled after the "people" part because I did not know there was a second part to the question."

"I had a neighbor who used to bang on the wall when I played my music too loud. I would yell at him to "go around". "You might have a doorknob on your side of the wall, but over here the wall is flat".

:laugh:

[Ankf00]

Listening to one his cd's today, first time in a while...


I have an oscillating fan at home; it looks like it's saying 'Noo...' so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to.

"Do you keep my hair in place?"
"Do you keep my documents in order?"
"Do you have three settings?"
Liar! My fan f***in' lied to me!
Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' S***!"

I'm staying at a hotel and it doesn't have a 13th floor 'cause of superstition. But c'mon, people on the fourteenth floor, you know what floor you're really on.

"What room are you in?"
"1401."
"No you're NOT! Jump out of the window, you will dieeee EARLIER!"

I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot, which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying, "We don't have to fix s***."
And my personal fav :)

Mr. Pibb, is a replica of Dr. Pepper.

But it's a bulls*** replica, dude doesn't even have his degree.

[SteveH]

http://www.mitchhedberg.net/home.html

[Elmo T]

"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."

As a fire marshal, I had someone ask me if I was offended by that line. :rolleyes:

That has got to be one of the best lines ever. :rofl:

[rabbit]

"I've never stayed at a Bed 'n' Breakfast because I figure, by the end of the day, you'd start to get hungry. 'Is that all you've got around here? You need to direct me to a Chair, Lunch 'n' Dinner.' I'm going to open up a chain of Chair, Lunch 'n' Dinners right across the street from the Bed 'n' Breakfasts. 'Come on over about ... 1:00.'"

:rofl:

[Ankf00]

^^^ :rofl:


I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito Dad, you know how I like mine: .......with grill marks."

Hey, I did a radio interview for XM Radio. Nobody heard it, c'mon, who has XM Radio? (a few cheers) Hey, I'll be damned, it's growing in popularity. They said, 'You can swear on XM Radio.' No s***, cuz nobody can hear it. You can swear in the woods too.

[Sean O'Gorman]

Hey, XM has like 6 million subscribers now!

[extramundane]

Hey, XM has like 6 million subscribers now!

Opie & Anthony fans all, no doubt.

[SteveH]

This (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=mitch+hedberg) should probably go in the YouTube thread, but then again, not.

[dando]

He always reminded me of a cross b/w Steven Wright and Sam Kinson. Great stuff. :thumbup:

RIP. :cry: (I missed this the first time through)

-Kevin