Stoopid funeral director

[RaceGrrl]

Two weeks ago today, we were planning Dad's funeral. There are only three funeral homes in the small town my parents live in. We met with the most reputable funeral director of the three.

There were seven of us in the planning meeting: my mother, my three brothers, a sister in law, Richard and myself. The funeral director was not a very warm person to begin with, I don't think he even expressed his sympathy for our loss. He started by taking the obituary information and then asked about embalming, which my mom did request. Then he mentioned caskets, and my mom told him that it had already been taken care of- she prepurchased them from the cemetary along with the vaults. After a moment's pause, the funeral director threw his pen down on the desk and said, "I guess I'll just make my overhead on this."

I was ready to jump over the desk and throttle him. My mom was horrified and embarrassed. We were all stunned by this. Thing is, he couldn't refuse to accept the casket, but he made it very difficult for us. Federal Trade Commission rules say funeral homes cannot refuse to accept a casket purchased from an outside source and they cannot cause a family embarrassment or duress. They also must provide a price list, which he did not do, even when Mom asked.

I've done a little research on this and am reporting the funeral home to the FTC consumer complaints division, the Ohio Attorney General and the Ohio Funeral Director's Association. It appears that he was in violation of two sections of the Funeral Rule. We won't sue- my Dad wouldn't have wanted that. The funeral director will probably just get a warning, but I'd feel satisfied if they slap him with a big fine. We don't want this to happen to another grieving family; it was just more pain piled on what we were already feeling.

[Methanolandbrats]

That is the worst thing I have ever read. He should be closed down.

[Chitowncartfreak]

RaceGrrl - I'm very sorry to hear about your experience. My dad is a funeral director and he always tells us how important it is to put the family first and everything else second. He has been very successful and has a great reputation in the community. People like the moron you described have no place in this business and it makes me cringe when I hear that people like this are out there. This guy should definitely be reported. Again - I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about this. I definitely know how painful an experience like this can be at a time when you don't need any more pain.

[rabbit]

I am so sorry to hear that and I admire your restraint in not physically assaulting him.

You could always publicly humiliate him by posting his name on an internet message board and asking your friends to spread the word. We'll see how reputable he is after that.

[Don Quixote]

Racegrrl, most states have a licensing board for funeral directors and embalmers, I'm pretty sure Ohio does. This may be an effective place to make a complaint. If it works like other licensing boards that I am familiar with, the board would do an investigation of the complaint and require the director to answer to the complaint. Sometimes they bring the guy in to a meeting and dress him down in person, and they could suspend his license, or put it on probation, fine him, or officially reprimand him. I would give it a shot.

[cart7]

Very sorry to hear grrl. My wife is a funeral director and her concern is with the family first and everything else is secondary.

Sounds like you've gone the right direction in notifying the right people. The State funeral board will probably hold an investigation and then fine and or censure the director and/or home in question. The directors license could also be suspended as well.

What came out of that though was the reality of the funeral business. Most funeral homes only meet expenses when they sell services, they only make profit on the casket and vault. With todays new age of E-caskets or caskets bought from secondary casket sellers, a home finds it harder to cut a profit. Add to that the massive increase in cremations the past 10 years or so with their low cost urns and it's not hard to figure out that funeral homes are having a tough go of it these days. But that's absolutely no excuse for what happened to you guys.

[RaceGrrl]

I agree that a funeral home does have it tough when the casket is purchased elsewhere, but that's not our problem, and it was insensitive and unprofessional to point that out to us. We would have purchased other services if they'd been offered, but they were not. We weren't offered a limo, no memorial cards, nothing. We wanted the best service possible and would have been happy to pay him for it, but he screwed up. He also violated the FTC rule by not giving us a general price list, which he's required to do. He didn't furnish one even after Mom asked him for it- a direct violation of the FTC rules.

I also just found out that the very same day he placed my Dad's obituary, he placed an ad in the local paper saying "Before you buy your casket from an outside company, check with your local funeral home." Jerk.

[Ankf00]

what a prick, sorry to hear that, how the hell does he maintain business operating like that? :saywhat: you'd hope word would get around

[RaceGrrl]

Word will get around- I'll make sure it does. We're not going to sue, but what I would like for satisfactory resolution is this: I want the funeral home to have to print an ad in the local paper saying that they support the consumer's right to purchase a casket from an outside vendor or something to that effect. The state board of embalmers/funeral directors wanted to know exactly what we got for our $3900. I wish I knew. :flame:

[G.]

The state board of embalmers/funeral directors wanted to know exactly what we got for our $3900. I wish I knew. :flame:Heartache, embarrassment, high blood pressure. :shakehead

Don't know if I could be as poised as you, Grrl.

[devilmaster]

I don't want to speak for the other guys, but perhaps Rocket, Warlock, Twisty and myself can pay him a visit? ;)

[Classic Apex]

I've done a little research on this and am reporting the funeral home to the FTC consumer complaints division, the Ohio Attorney General and the Ohio Funeral Director's Association...

Good on ya! :thumbup: :thumbup:


Sorry to hear you had to go through that.

[RaceGrrl]

I can visualize that one, Steve! Thanks. :laugh:

[Anteater]

And this is the most reputable of the 3 funeral homes available? God, I hate to think what the other 2 are like! RaceGrrl, I'm so sorry that you and your family had to deal with an unethical, insensitive creep on top of your loss. But it sounds as though you handled it beautifully.

[trish]

I agree that a funeral home does have it tough when the casket is purchased elsewhere, but that's not our problem, and it was insensitive and unprofessional to point that out to us. We would have purchased other services if they'd been offered, but they were not. We weren't offered a limo, no memorial cards, nothing. We wanted the best service possible and would have been happy to pay him for it, but he screwed up. He also violated the FTC rule by not giving us a general price list, which he's required to do. He didn't furnish one even after Mom asked him for it- a direct violation of the FTC rules.

I also just found out that the very same day he placed my Dad's obituary, he placed an ad in the local paper saying "Before you buy your casket from an outside company, check with your local funeral home." Jerk.
I'm very sorry for what he put you all through. I wouldn't have given him my business if at all possible. He doesn't deserve it. He sounds like a real sicko.

[dando]

I don't want to speak for the other guys, but perhaps Rocket, Warlock, Twisty and myself can pay him a visit? ;)
I'm in, and I've got awhole lotta pennies to put into socks. ;)

Sorry to hear about your experience, grrl. Ludicrous and unwarranted behavior. :shakehead

-Kevin

[oddlycalm]

Sorry to hear about the funeral creep RaceGrrl. Probably time for him to find something else to do because Costco and others are going to take away his fat margins. Never ceases to amaze me how many people in service sector have no idea how to spell C-U-S-T-O-M-E-R. Good for you for dropping a dime on him with the state. :thumbup:
Costco caskets (http://www.costco.com/Common/Search.aspx?whse=&topnav=&search=casket&N=0&Ntt=casket&cm_re=1-_-Top_Left_Nav-_-Top_search)

[SteveH]

I was ready to jump over the desk and throttle him.

You should have. And if you want to go back and finish the job, I'm good for bail.

Can you write to the Better Business Bureau? I'd make sure everyone in that town knew what went on. What an ass.

Sorry to read this. Your family didn't deserve this.

[G.]

Ya know, I've stewed on this, as I'm sure you have Grrl. It's one thing if the guy was selling you Slurpeeze, but this is putting your Dad to rest!! :flame:

Unacceptable. Do to the fullest extent that you are comfortable with to this cretin. You go. Grrl.

I have quarters to put into the sock, kevin. Gotta make it lumpy.

(if there's anything I can do to make this guy suffer, in a non-physical manner, ie., quarters is a joke, then PM me with his email, phone number, name, whatever.)

[Lizzerd]

I'm sorry this had to happen to you, Missy. Very rude dude, he was. I've only been in your situation once, helping plan the funeral, etc. for my son. The director we spoke with was fortunately very compassionate.

But, you didn't mention something. Did he still get your business?

[race chica]

Jerk.

I compleatly agree, sorry to hear about this. From personal experience i know how hard planning a funeral can be. A person should not be belittled because someone they care for has passed on.

[TRANSAM]

One of the most useful life skills is speaking assertively.Blowing up puts the focus on you losing your temper but speaking assertively puts the focus on the other person.A guy I know uses the phrase 'I don't appreciate ....' I think thats a great phrase-" I don't appreciate you discusses your profits when I'm laying my father to rest....'. Another person I know asks good questions ,like "Do you think this is the right time to be discussing how much money you are going to make off us?"

I can't count the number of times I wish I had spoken assertively.

[Jervis Tetch 1]

I am so sorry to hear that and I admire your restraint in not physically assaulting him.

You could always publicly humiliate him by posting his name on an internet message board and asking your friends to spread the word. We'll see how reputable he is after that.
That's a very good idea.

But please let me extend my condolences at losing someone so close. I lost my sister two year's ago last month and it's never easy. Fortunately we had a wonderful funeral director to take care of everything.

Seems this guy's as cold as the line of work he's in. He needs a good punch in the face. :mad:

[RaceGrrl]

That's a very good idea.

But please let me extend my condolences at losing someone so close. I lost my sister two year's ago last month and it's never easy. Fortunately we had a wonderful funeral director to take care of everything.

Seems this guy's as cold as the line of work he's in. He needs a good punch in the face. :mad:

Oh, it's not that I have any trouble at all being assertive, it's that it was not my place to speak out. We were all so stunned by the FD's comments, I don't think any of us really processed it until later in the conversation and by then the moment had passed. I wouldn't have done my usual verbal bitch-slap during the meeting with him anyway. It would have been disrespectful to my mom.

In spite of the FD's comment, Mom chose to use their services anyway. The other large funeral home in the city gave another family problems when they purchased from an outside vendor, so they were out, and the only other funeral home in the city couldn't have accomodated the huge number of people who showed up for visitation.

You know how confused and grief-stricken you are during a time like this. Some funeral directors use that confusion to sell you crap you don't need. This one sold us $3900-worth of something- we just don't know what we got for our money. If I had been in charge of the decisions, this wouldn't have happened. The only reason it did was because my mother was making the financial choices, and probably would not have welcomed my butting in. In the end, it really was her choice to make. I wanted her to have what she wanted, and this funeral home was what she wanted for Dad.

The state embalmer's/funeral director's licensing board is very interested in our complaint. The person I spoke to yesterday confirmed that he is violation of the Funeral Rule and they will take action against him. It's going to be a long process, but I'm on a mission now. :mad:

[SteveH]

Go get 'em Missy :thumbup:

[dando]

The state embalmer's/funeral director's licensing board is very interested in our complaint. The person I spoke to yesterday confirmed that he is violation of the Funeral Rule and they will take action against him. It's going to be a long process, but I'm on a mission now. :mad:
:thumbup:

-Kevin

[Chitowncartfreak]

Nice going, RaceGrrl. Let him have what he deserves!

[chop456]

I'm on a mission now. :mad:

Atta' Grrl. Take care of your business, then take care of his.

[Joelski]

Two words Missy: Columbus Dispatch. ;)

Add my name to Steve's list of visitors for this turd.

[TKGAngel]

Two words Missy: Columbus Dispatch. ;)

Add my name to Steve's list of visitors for this turd.

If the town this bozo is based out of has a community/neighborhood newspaper, then a well-written letter to the editor may get published and do some additional damage.

[Joelski]

If the town this bozo is based out of has a community/neighborhood newspaper, then a well-written letter to the editor may get published and do some additional damage.

Yeah, but it'll make the front page of said local newspaper if the Dispatch runs a story on it and the funeral home biz in general. A little ostracism never hurt anybody's hat size. ;)

[RaceGrrl]

The Dispatch ran a column a few weeks ago about the way the funeral business gouges customers. I'm sure the author of that column would be interested in our story, but Mom doesn't want the publicity.

I seriously doubt that a small town newspaper would do a negative story like that on one of their regular advertisers. They wouldn't risk losing the ad revenue. Besides, I'd have to write the article myself. The writers for the hometown paper don't have a clue what investigative reporting is.

I suggested a letter to the editor, and Mom refused. She is concerned about it turning into a big mess. She wants this handled privately. A friend of mine works for a billboard company and she offered to put up a free billboard. It's tempting, but I need to respect my mom's decisions.

[cart7]

My wife is about to get out of that business after being in it for almost 7 years.

It's an industry that's veiled in secrecy and is usually protected by the state boards. The boards will get involved when the consumers rights are being violated but they're foot draggers when the problems are internal to the funeral homes themselves. Most prevalent is sexual discrimination and harrassment towards females trying to get into the industry. The attitudes exhibited within that industry are 40-50 years behind the times with the rest of society. It's always been taken for granted that a "man" is the only one the public would turn to and feel comfort with when they've suffered a loss. That's turned out not to be true as women funeral directors are often accepted even more than the men. Too bad the guys can't seem to leave the ego at the door though. Forget about women reporting abuses, you're merely "Blackballed" from the industry, she's seen it happen on several occasions. She and her other female friends in the business or those trying to get into it call it the "old boys club". That's not a good thing when 90% of interns are female or of various ethnic persuasions. We won't even get into the "white owned" funeral homes hiring people from different ethnic backgrounds.

The funeral industry had it good for many, many years. Humans die and when they do, something has to be done with the body. Funeral homes basically could charge whatever they wanted for their services because there was no alternative. Now, with cremations, out source casket retailers, drive through funeral homes, etc. the industry is having to change it's ways to turn a profit. It's being drug kicking and screaming into the 21st century, not only in how it does business but in it's own internal societal norms. That industry seems almost as intent in not letting go of the past as it does in trying to please the customers and make a profit to stay in business another day. I've heard of Funeral home owners pizzing customers, local clergy, nuns and others off just to make a point. They just can't seem to realize the old days were over many years ago.

My wife is considering writing a book about her experiences. Maybe she should call it "Digging deeper than 6 feet under" ;)